Entirely predictable existential crisis

My baby is going to kindergarten. I’ve been totally fine with that all the way to here. Not for me sentimental sniffling on turning in her registration. No tears at preschool graduation. We were all ready to move on. The world keeps on turning, you know, and you’ve got to keep up.

Yesterday we trundled up to the school for her intake test, or whatever it is they’re calling the tiny proto-entrance-exam thing they do now, where they see if they know their colours and their shapes and where they are on the learning-to-read continuum, ostensibly so that they can ensure an even spread of abilities across the four kindergarten classes.

The nice teacher began by asking Mabel how her summer had been, and Mabel replied with a slightly aggressive meow-growl. Which might not have been exactly what they’re looking for on the polite chatty scale, but she does tend to resort to animal impersonations when feeling shy. However, she went on to name all the things she was asked to name, to know all the sounds of the letters but not how to read the actual words, and to acquit us well by saying that her favourite book is a chapter book with an impressively long title.

But as we left I have to admit I felt a niggle. Just a tiny niggle of “Oh I hope she’ll be okay” and “They’d better see how amazing she is” and then that little wail of “What will I DOOOOO?” that I’ve been avoiding this whole time. I’m not planning on rushing out and getting a job with a commute and a dress code and all that jazz, but I really do need a plan for not just being a lady who lunches all day while my kids are at school. I have to bring in a few bob, like, for the sake of self respect and college funds and having something to live on in our old age and so on.

My plan, as it stands, is a vague one involving exercise (running or yoga or something), writing, and editing; the editing would earn a crust, the writing might if I could figure out some way to get paid for it. The exercise would stop me bursting out of my jeans and make up for all the muffins I’ll inevitably bake to go with all the cups of tea I’ll inevitably drink.

It’ll be a new era. I don’t think I want to think about it too much just yet.

Mabel standing in a window

Ready to leap


9 thoughts on “Entirely predictable existential crisis

  1. Sara

    Oh I’m feeling a lot of that too.. Ella will be going to playschool 5 days and up until now I had been saying I couldn’t wait to have 5 mornings all to myself and now I am wondering what am I going to do all by myself, she will be fine of course..

  2. SineadO

    Free mornings approaching here too as one is starting JI and the other goes to pre school for the first time. Can’t imagine what it’ll be like.

  3. Emily

    I’ve only…. 18 more years before they all feck off.

    I was going to add “ha ha” there, but the reality has just hit me, so I think I’ll opt for an “eeeeek!!” Instead…

    This will be “the making of you”: enjoy every second 🙂

  4. Alyssa

    I am right there with you! Evan starts a week from today. I keep going back and forth between “he’s going to do just fine” and “OMG!! He’s going to crumble and I’ll be picking up the pieces and putting him back together and it’s ALL MY FAULT”.

    Let’s get through this together!!!


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