Sorry about the vagueblogging but I just need to vent

I am very good at giving advice and very very bad at taking it.

Knowing this, I sometimes try to trick myself by pretending I’m someone else and giving myself the advice I’d give that person. But my perspective is off – I can’t tell if I’m being uber critical or giving myself a pass. Because I hate criticism. even from myself.

Nobody likes criticism, I suppose. But I feel other people probably have better defences against it than I do. I might be wrong about that, but I like to blame it on my not having siblings who said mean things which I learned to ignore. Nobody ever said mean things to me.

Today two different people, speaking in professional capacities about each of my children, said things that could, by a paranoid person such as myself, be interpreted as criticisms of my parenting.

Therefore I’m a crap parent and my children will grow up to be burdens on society except mostly on us their parents first and possibly forever.

Except that Dash is doing perfectly well at school and Mabel’s increasingly reading, which has to be good, and the cats are alive and well even if I did kill the potted herbs, and I’m making black bean brownies so everyone will have lunch dessert tomorrow and there’s a babysitter booked for tomorrow night so we can have a date night and look after our relationship and I’ve just ordered the proof copy of my third book and am close to finishing the first draft of my fourth and at least one of us will have a flu shot very soon and I switched the summer duvets for the winter duvets on the kids’ beds today and we are all enjoying watching junior masterchef together and I AM DOING WHAT I CAN.

girl with notebook sitting on floor, boy with video game beside her, cat on cat tree watching them

Trio

8 thoughts on “Sorry about the vagueblogging but I just need to vent

    1. Maud Post author

      I very much doubt that first statement, whatever about the second. But I don’t want to get into terrible-parenting poker so let’s just agree that we’re both okay.

      Reply
  1. Angela O'Donovan

    Feeling for you. Teachers/other profs at school often have a superiority complex and judge us parents by their book standards, not by experience at the coal face of parenting.

    I went through a lot and felt badly judged. I can recall the feeling just reading your post. Don’t put up with it unless they can back it up with actual facts with proper perspective. It’s so hurtful. xxx

    or have a stiff drink and have a good sweary session with your husband. CHildren out of the way, naturally…!

    Reply
    1. Maud Post author

      Thank you. It’s always frustrating when someone who hasn’t even met your child is in a position to tell you their theory of how you should be doing it.

      Reply
  2. suzannacatherine

    Stand your ground. You know your children better than anyone. Until the “professionals” have walked a mile in your shoes, they have no right to tell what will or won’t work. especially if they’ve never MET THE CHILDREN in question. They may “suggest” until the cows come home, but don’t TELL me how to do my parenting job. I always took most “professional” advice not with just a grain of salt, but usually the whole box.

    Sounds to me like you have a lot of “plates in the air” and you’re doing just fine, thank you. I understand your frustration, but I think you’re on top of this job.

    Been there and done what you’re doing. It’s not easy and sometimes the advice-givers make it harder!!

    Sending you ((hugs)).

    Reply
  3. Angela O'Donovan

    Inhad to read your reply again. These people haven’t met your child/children??

    Hope you’re feeling better. Parenthood these days is full of anxiety

    Reply
    1. Maud Post author

      One had, one hadn’t. I know that often the theory still stands regardless of the person you’re talking about, and that sometimes distance makes it easier to see what’s going on, but I still find it irritating. Thanks for the kind thoughts, Angela.

      Reply
  4. Amy Feng

    You are there for your children, and that makes you a good parent. All the decisions eventually don’t matter that much because things don’t always go the way we planned. But as long as you ar there for them whether they need you or not, you are a parent and a good parent. That’s what I believe.

    Reply

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