If you’re one of my Facebook friends, this is the long version of today’s status update.
It was a beautiful day. Mild, breezy, washed clean by yesterday’s rain, with stunning autumn colours. I thought it was high time I got back into my routine of walking to school for Monkey-collection. I’d been sadly out of practice since the grannies’ visit, and driving is so deliciously easy… Also, on the three days a week he stays to lunch, pick-up time is 12.30, which just happens to be Mabel’s naptime. So there’s always the teeny tiny worry that she might fall asleep on the way and take most of her nap while I’m walking instead of while I’m sitting down with a nice cup of tea.
But we set off, with plenty of time in hand for the 25-minute walk. On the way, we passed a friend, with her toddler sitting up happily in the stroller and her preschooler (who had not stayed for lunch and therefore gets out an hour earlier) walking along beside her. I looked at my watch and marvelled at her patience: it had taken them almost 45 minutes to get that far. I didn’t have such time to dawdle: we’d be making the return journey at a faster pace, in order to be home quick-smart for naptime. Spit spot, as the lady says.
Despite the unseasonal warmth, Mabel was wearing a bright turquoise raincoat she’d caught sight of earlier and had to have. It’s the sort that is basically rubber outside, so she must have been well insulated. This didn’t bode well for keeping her awake. But several rounds of her current favourite, Sing a Song of Sixpence, did wonders. (I don’t quite have the tune right: I seem to sing the same melody for every line, so I probably sound like a tone-deaf plain-chant monk. Luckily, she doesn’t complain.) Despite some serious droopage halfway there, she made it to the school conscious. Win!
Grabbed the boy, located his lunchbox, said bye to the teacher, and turned around in the blink of an eye, give or take a nod to the goldfish. Then the ructions began.
[Stroller background: We have a Bob Revolution stroller. It's the best jog stroller you could ask for, and even though I've never jogged a step in my life, and hope never to have to, I love it too. It steers like a dream and has marvellous suspension. It's not a double, but there's this handy area in front of the seat that's supposed to be for the rider's feet and works very handily for a second - older, competent, unsecured - child to perch on. (I'm sure the Bob people do not endorse this use of it. It can probably lead to broken ankles if you turn the thing around too quickly. I in no way advise you to use your stroller, or anyone else's, in this manner.)
This is the best picture I can find to illustrate my point. Here Mabel is in the back (last year; her legs are significantly longer now) and Monkey is cheesing at the camera from the front.
And here you see Monkey asleep kneeling on the front with his head in the back part. On a train in Germany. Obviously.
] (closing that interpolation about the stroller here
So Mabel had ridden down in the stroller, despite some initial protests. I had the Ergo with me, but was hoping to keep her in the Bob for most of the journey home, so she wouldn’t fall asleep too quickly. Monkey hopped on the front and away we went.
The problem with this configuration (her in the back, him on the front) is that ever since she was old enough to exert her personality, she has objected to it (the configuration, not the personality) by kicking him in the back when he obscures her view – that is, all the time. When she was small it just tickled, but now her legs are long and strong enough to practically push him right off. Which means he has to teeter on the very tip of the front, dragging his feet and making it almost impossible for me to steer. So that’s just not tenable. But the boy is lay-zee. When there’s any sort of wheeled vehicle available, I just cannot get him to walk. And after a few hundred yards of Mabel yelling to be let out, and Monkey sitting on the wheel and stopping me from going anywhere much anyway, I gave in and swapped her out. So now he’s happy, ensconced in his throne, resting up after his hard morning’s play-dough pummelling, and she’s walking along merrily beside us. This will never last.
Past the football field, through the park, beside the lake. The scenery is gorgeous*. The leaves are autumnal. I feel all glowingly home-school-y as I let them drop sticks over the bridge into the water below.
(*Monkey has announced that he can’t say “beautiful” or “gorgeous” because he’s a boy. He just calls things “cool,” apparently. I can’t find out where he got this from.)
But then. Mabel starts running in the wrong direction. I decide the honeymoon is over and try to put her on my back, whereupon she pulls out her trump card: “But I have a
poo
!” And yes, a quick glance down the back of her nappy reveals a large gold nugget of the stuff. Darn. I really don’t want to smush that all up in her bum, and – more to the point – she really doesn’t want me to either. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to put a toddler into a back-carrier on your own, but you really do need their cooperation for that particular manoeuvre.
So on we went; Monkey quizzed me from his seat of leisure on the moral dilemmas raised by a recent tv programme, while Mabel alternately ran ahead towards the traffic (we were back out of the park now) and lagged behind to check on a leaf, a stone, or a mote of dust. The warm, sunny day became the unbearably bright and sweat-making day and my stress levels rose as Mabel’s naptime ticked past. Forty-five minutes to this very spot (where we’d passed the others earlier) started to sound eminently reasonable, and I realised that my friend didn’t necessarily have any more patience than I do; it takes as long as it takes, and you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and pulling/encouraging the walker along, and eventually, some time, you will get home.
At the bottom of the hill, about seven minutes from home (yes, I’m being ridiculously picky – but it’s more than five, and ten sounded too long), Mabel finally ran out of steam. I had to feel sorry for her: a pooey bum and well into her naptime, and there she was gamely trying to jump off a rock in someone’s front garden instead of slogging up the horrible hill to home. I would have done much the same. At least, I would have just sat down on the rock and cried… but then, there’s the pooey bum to consider… I had no choice but to stuff her in the Ergo, and this time she must have been really exhausted because she couldn’t muster enough wriggling to prevent me. I motored up the hill, taking breath only to gripe at Monkey about how much easier this would be if he would just walk, for heaven’s sake, and made it through the door, dripping and grumpy as all get out, just as Mabel’s head started to nod on my back.
She woke up, I had to change her anyway, and by the time I tried to nurse her back down to sleep in bed, she was wide awake and chatting in her very cutest incarnation.
Wherupon Maud took a valium and checked out for an hour or five. I wish.